


This peculiar happiness

by Dani_Early



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Coming Out, Derek Hale Deserves Nice Things, Derek Hale Feels, F/F, F/M, First Dates, First work - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, M/M, Mentioned Kate Argent, Pack Feels, Post-Nogitsune, Spying Pack, Stiles Feels, Stiles is Nice Things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-01-30 10:42:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12651993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dani_Early/pseuds/Dani_Early
Summary: Sometimes we find happiness in a strange place and it can be scary, especially when you've already resigned yourself to a life of misery. You might try to shun away from it, thinking that it's all a lie or that you don't deserve it, but then you let it in and you think"Oh, there you are. I've been waiting for you."orThe pack doesn't respect privacy, Derek deserves to be happy, Stiles stays strong because people need him and together they might just be alright.A serie of drabbles documenting their relationship, the good, the bad and the ugly.





	1. This Light that consumes me.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first work on AO3, I did write a bit on FF.net a few years ago, but let's just forget about that. This takes place after the Nogitsune arc with a few change: Nobody died, Scallison is still going strong, Kira is dating Cora, who stayed around. They are visiting Cora's other pack in Argentina. 
> 
> Enjoy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Light makes Derek feel so safe. It protects him from his nightmares and keeps him company during the night. The Light doesn't judge Derek, doesn't mock him or blame him. Derek loves the Light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST WARNING! Lots of Derek Feels. You have been warned.
> 
> This taken place before the events of the first chapter and from here we will keep a chronological order.
> 
> Stiles doesn't know about Kate or Paige in this fanfic.
> 
> I hope you like it, let me know what you think.

Derek doesn't deserve to be happy.

_“I don't deserve to be happy.”_

He’s a monster.

_“I’m a monster.”_

He killed his family.

_“I killed my family.”_

He’s told himself these things for years, it started shortly after Paige, the faintest hint of a whisper trying to lure him in and take him. After the fire the whisper became a cold, harsh sneer ringing loudly through his head in the familiar voices of his lost pack. Then Laura died and the voices screamed at him, tormented him. It was worse when he slept because then it wouldn't just be voices, and he would see them, burned, bloody, furious. Night after night their screams, their taunts, their accusations would haunt him, hunt him, claw at him until he woke up with a start, sweaty, panting and with the smell of burning flesh still in his nose. Sometimes he wouldn't sleep at all and instead he would go running in the preserve or read, anything to escape the torment.

He woke up screaming once, his cheeks wet with tears and his bottom lip bloody from where he had bit through it. In that moment he had felt a sort of relief that he was alone in his loft, but it had a bitter taste to it because while he was glad that no one had seen him in such a pitiful state, a small part of him desperately wished for someone to comfort him, to hold him and tell him it was ok, even when it really wasn’t. He endured though, he continued to shoulder the burden himself and not bother others with the mess he’s made. He didn’t deserve compassion.

Then something changed, something else invaded his dreams and chased away the pain, something loud and bright and wonderful. It’s light creeping in, driving the darkness away, slowly. The screams were muffled by it’s sound, a wonderful sound, full of warmth and laughter. The nightmares were still there, but sometimes he could turn away from them, from the faces and voices of people that now only existed in his head, and face the Light. Sometimes it would hurt, the Light could be so bright that his eyes burned with it, but never had he seen something so beautiful. Sometimes the Light flickered and dimmed and it was almost worse than the nightmares because he knew he couldn’t live without that Light. He’d try to save the Light, he’d talk to it soothingly, telling it that it was alright, that it wasn’t alone. Once, when he had been particularly desperate and the Light had almost completely faded he had begged it not to leave him, “Please. Please don’t go. Don’t leave me please. I’ll die.” and the Light had responded. It had lit up, it wasn’t as bright and vibrant as it had usually been, but in shined still. Derek thought that maybe I shone for him, that it was tired and sad and wanted to stop shining, but that it remained simply because Derek needed it.

The Light had been present in his dreams for months now, yet he had never touched it. He had spoken to it, cried to it, stared at it for what felt like an eternity but what was likely only a few hours, but he’d never touched it. He felt he didn’t have the right, that the Light wasn’t really his to touch. He felt so grateful that the Light had been there for him, saved him, stayed with him, but he knew it didn’t belong to him. If anything, Derek belonged to the Light. He cherished it, admired it. He loved it.

There were nights though, where even the Light’s brightness and music couldn’t completely drown out the nightmares and he would be pulled back in his guilt and his punishment. Like tonight. He had visited the burned remains of his childhood home and had somehow stumbled upon a locket, a very familiar locket. It was burned and slightly damaged, but he recognized it. It was the locket he had given his Nana, who he’d been very close to, with his first paycheck from his first job. She’d scoffed and said he should have spent the money of videogames or a pair of new shoes or porn or whatever young people spend their money on these days. Nonetheless, she’d smiled and put it around her neck and she’d never taken it off since. Derek squeezed the locket so tightly that his knuckles turned white and he was sure that if he opened his hand now he would see a clear outline of the locket pressed into his hand. Then he’d gone back and pretended that nothing had happened.

And there he was, with his eyes squeezed shut and his hands pressed tightly over his ear in an attempt to drown out the wailes and the hateful sneers from his beloved Nana. He wanted to turn around and face the Light, wanted to let the Light seep into his very being and destroy these false images of the people he had loved so much, but he couldn’t. He stood rooted to the spot and couldn’t bring himself to turn around, because he deserved this. He deserved the venom, the hate, the accusations. It was his fault they were gone. All his fault.

_“Derek?”_

It was the Light, Derek realized.

_“Derek?”_

The Light had never spoken to him before. It had laughed and hummed and buzzed, but it had never spoken.

_“Derek?!”_

He turned towards the Light and stared in wonder. That voice, it sounded wonderful. He wanted to hear more.

_“Derek! Wake up!”_

What? Why? Derek didn’t want to wake up. If he woke up the Light would be gone. He didn’t want the Light to leave. He wanted the Light to stay and keep talking to him.

_“Derek, come on man. Wake up!”_

He didn’t want to wake up, but if that’s what the Light asked of him then he would do it. He would do anything for the Light.

The Light changed, shapes appeared in the Light. He blinked. That was an eye, those were two eyes. The Light had eyes. They were beautiful eyes. A warm mixture of honey and whiskey with flecks of gold. So beautiful.

The eyes looked worried, and a little scared. Why was the Light scared? It wasn’t scared of Derek, was it? Derek would never hurt the Light, never.

_“Derek, I need you to wake up ok? I’m freaking out here.”_

The Light sounded worried and scared too. There was a slightly panicked pitch to it’s voice. Derek needed to wake up. He needed to wake up because the Light was scared and wanted him to wake up. He had to wake up.

_“Derek?”_

_“Derek?”_

“Derek?”

Derek opened his eyes and saw a face before him, a face with the most beautiful golden honey eyes. The eyes of the Light. The eyes… of Stiles. It was Stiles face hovering over him worriedly. Derek could only stare at him, because for the first time he could see the Light with both of his eyes wide open, and it was beautiful.

“Derek, are you ok? You were just sleeping and then you just started screaming and I tried to wake you up, but you wouldn’t and I didn’t know what was happening because you seemed fine earlier and I thought you were dying, wait are you dying? You might still be dying. Should we call Deaton? I think we should call Deaton!” Stiles rambled and on his face Derek could see fear. Derek could only imagine what it must have looked like to Stiles.

He shook his head, “No, I’m fine.” he said and made to get up off the couch where he had crashed after several hours of him looking through books and Stiles scoping the internet and compiling all of their findings in a document. Stiles looked unconvinced and asked “Are you sure dude? It looked pretty bad?”, but Derek just shook his head again and waited for a few seconds before saying “It was just a nightmare, don’t worry.”. Immediately Stiles demeanor changed and Derek could see that he understood. He knew. “Do you want to talk about it?” Stiles asked, and it was actually meant as a question. Stiles was giving him an option and he would accept whatever answer Derek gave him. If Derek said yes he would sit with him for hours and listen, if he said no then Stiles would let it go, would never mention it again unless Derek brought it up. He wouldn't judge Derek.

Derek hesitated, this was what he’d wanted, someone to be there for him, to care about him. But could he do it, could he really open himself up like that? He instinctively shied away from that idea, but then he thought, he had trusted the Light even though he didn't know why. The Light had kept him safe and sane and now, with Stiles by his side looking for all the world like he wanted nothing more than to take the burden that Derek has been carrying for so long and carry it with him, he feels it. He feels the warmth and the security of having someone to care about you and help you and knowing you could always trust on them to come and fight with you when you couldn’t do it alone anymore. And Derek did trust Stiles, trusted him more than anyone else because Stiles was trustworthy. Stiles was loyal to a fault and there was nothing he wasn’t willing to do, no moral he wasn’t willing to discard, for those he cared about, and Derek was in that circle too, he knew he was. The thing that made Stiles so dangerous was also what made Derek trust him with his life.

Stiles was damaged, just like him. They’d both suffered loss and the devastating way your whole life could fall apart when someone you love suddenly wasn’t there anymore. Derek had had Laura to help him cope, even if he hadn’t been able to truly show her the extend of his guilt. Stiles, despite still having his father in his life, had gone through that pain alone and at a much younger age than Derek had. Derek knew that the Sheriff had turned to the bottle for comfort when his wife had died rather than help Stiles cope with the loss of his mother and while Derek could understand to some degree, he also resented the Sheriff for it because he sometimes wondered if Stiles would still have that aged and tired look behind his eyes if his father had stepped up and been there for him more. He wondered if Stiles wouldn’t be so indifferent about his own happiness and well being while worrying non-stop about his friends and family. He knew that the Sheriff loved his son and that he was a pretty good father, but he also knew that even good parents could really mess their kid up.

Stiles was the Light, he realized. Stiles was loud and bright and warm. Stiles shined, even when he was tired and just wanted to stop, but he didn’t because, whether they realized it or not, so many people relied on the shine.

“I found this locket at the old house.” he said, because he could. He could talk to Stiles about this because Stiles wouldn’t mock him or judge him or blame him, Stiles would listen. Stiles cared and most importantly, Stiles understood.

He spend the rest of the three hours until sunrise telling Stiles short, insignificant stories about his family, about that time they went to the beach and Laura made some kid cry when he ran into her, making her drop her ice cream and causing her to shift in anger. He told Stiles about his cousin, who had been human and was really smart and how he and Stiles would have probably been the best of friends. It wasn’t much, he didn’t tell Stiles about the nightmares, the guilt and the self-loathing. He doesn’t tell Stiles about Paige and Kate and how dirty he feels every time he thinks about what she did to him. He doesn’t tell Stiles the big stuff, but it’s enough. He cried a bit, but doesn’t show it, and Stiles doesn’t bring it up even though Derek knows he saw. He feels lighter at the end and while all of the pain and the anger is still there, it isn’t as stuck any more. For the first time Derek genuinely believes that he could be alright some day.


	2. You can have my heart (even if I can't have yours)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Falling in love with Derek was so easy that once Stiles figured it out for himself it was already too late.
> 
> Snippets of Stiles just being so in love with Derek and trying not to let him know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like it and please let me know what you think.
> 
> P.S.: if anyone is willing to be my beta reader or can help me find one I will love you forever.

When Stiles, in a sleep-deprived lapse of judgment decides to drive als the way to Derek’s loft to ask him about the mating habits of pixies (of which Derek knew a surprising amount) he hadn’t anticipated that it would turn into a thing. A thing that involved Stiles spending hours with Derek asking every random thought that popped into his head.

Stiles and Derek never spend much time together unless it was a life and death situation, but after Derek's outburst that fateful night a few weeks ago he could feel that something had shifted between them. They could still snark back and forth like the best of them, but when they were alone Derek was more open. He didn’t have that tension and alertness that he usually carried around with him, he talked more, smiled more and even laughed.

Stiles figured a little too late that Derek with his guard down was incredibly easy to fall for. He still remembers the moment he realised it. He had just made some sort of dry sarcastic remark when Derek tilted his head back, and laughed. Actually laughed! Like, belly laughs! He remembers just looking at him and thinking  _ “God you’re beautiful, please don’t ever stop.”. _

Then he’d locked that thought far, far away in the depths of his mind and refused to even acknowledge it and allow it to become a  _ thing _ . There was no thing and there never would be. Derek was his friend! It was great and Stiles wasn’t going to ruin it with some stupid crush. Stiles was perfectly content just staying Derek’s friend and making him laugh in a way that made his stomach flutter. Well, at least that answered the question of his sexuality, so that was… great.

The point was that Stiles wasn’t going to act of his feelings, but Derek was making that really, really hard for him.

 

* * *

 

 

“Derek, are vampires a thing? And if so, please tell me they don’t sparkle.” Stiles asked. He was sitting in Derek’s loft, on Derek’s floor with his back against the couch. His fingers were tapping away at the keyboard of the laptop sitting on the coffee table in front of him.

The furniture had been Stiles's idea, declaring loudly that Derek’s place was super depressing and  _ “Really Derek, this whole place screams evil lair. Seriously, just put down a carpet or some thing, some decent lights, it would go a long way.” _ . Over the next two weeks Stiles kept finding things in the loft that he knew hadn't been here before, including a black plush couch big enough to comfortably sleep on, a black steel and glass coffee table, a soft grey carpet and Stiles's favorite, a big flat-screen TV!

Derek’s loft was now Stiles favorite place to be and not just because the TV was huge and had almost every channel. Being at the loft made him feel so safe and calm in a way that his own home didn’t anymore, it felt so far removed from the chaos and fear that inhabited every corner of his life. Home meant guilt over lying to his father for so long and tension as the two Stilinski men tried so hard not to touch on any sensitive subject and even making eye contact seemed like it might set of a bomb. He wondered sometimes about why he felt so safe here when so many bad things had happened here, when Stiles could still see the patches of blood that had been cleaned away when he closed his eyes. Stiles knew though, he knew why he felt so safe and happy here and that reason was currently lounging on the couch behind him eating takeout.

“Stiles, eat something already. We’ve been doing this for the last eight hours, let’s just call it a day.” Derek said with a roll of his eyes, but he was smiling so Stiles would let it slide. Stiles shook his head and said “I’m fine Derek, trust me I’ve pulled research allnighters more often than you could even imagine.”, yet somehow that didn’t seem to comfort the man all that much, in fact he looked worried. “Stiles that’s not healthy, you need sleep, you’re still young.” he admonished with a frown.

That was another thing Stiles had discovered about Derek, Derek cared a lot about people. Stiles should have figured that out sooner because Derek wasn’t heartless and he’d obviously loved his family, but he hadn’t known just how nurturing Derek could be. He’d wondered if it was a werewolf thing before deciding that it was probably just a Derek thing. It also seemed like Derek didn’t show this side of him to a lot of people and in fact, Stiles was willing to bet he was the only one. He studiously ignored the way that made his stomach swoop.

When Derek talked to him in that tone of voice it made Stiles want to do anything he asked, but right now he just couldn’t. Something new had appeared in Beacon Hills and although they hadn’t seen it yet, they knew it was something supernatural. Animal corpses had been found all throughout the preserve, but what made it even weirder was that the bodies were completely drained of blood. The pack had been worried, but relieved that it didn’t seem to have any interest in humans. Then it had gone after the sheriff and it had taken Stiles only a few seconds before he was starting up his computer and researching the hell out of it in a desperate attempt to distract himself from the panic attack that he could feel clawing at his chest. The sheriff had been fine, but Stiles knew how close he had come to not being fine at all and Stiles knew that is was his fault, it had to be.

He continued to scroll through some weird article about similar animal killings in 1936 in Norway. Then Derek grabbed his hands and pulled them away from his keyboard and despite Stiles’s very vocal protests saved the links and turned of the computer. He turned back to Stiles and before Stiles could continue whining he said “Stiles, your father is fine, he’s alright. He’s safe and he might shoot me if he thinks I haven’t been feeding you so please, eat the damn burrito.”. 

Stiles laughed and Derek smirked with victory in his eyes and Stiles ate the burrito. Stiles knew he wasn’t good at taking care himself since he was constantly focussed on other people’s needs. He also didn’t like other people trying to take care of him and worry about him, but with Derek it felt surprisingly nice.

 

* * *

 

“Wait, you’ve read comic books? When?” Stiles asked incredulously and gave Derek his best bitch-face when the older man rolled his eyes at him. “I was a teenager too Stiles, of course I’ve read comic books.” he said and something in his voice sounded amused, Stiles stared at him through squinted eyes for a weird amount of time before asking “Who’s your favorite superhero?” like the answer would decide the fate of the world and Derek grinned and said “Iron Man.”. 

Stiles blinked in surprise and asked “Really? I would have figured you for more of a Batman type, you know, dark, broody, hang out with kids that trail after him like puppies?”. Derek snorted and said “Batman is creepy.” and Stiles gasped like he was a nun and Derek had just ripped his clothes off in church and started humping a statue of Mary. “You heathen! Batman is not creepy!” he exclaimed in mock offence. Derek laughed and replied “Yes he is. He wears a creepy mask and talks like a chainsmoker trying to lure children into his van.”.

“Like you’re one to talk.” Stiles huffed out making Derek smirk and say “I’ve never tried to lure children into my van.”. Stiles smirked right back and said “No, but you have lured teenagers into your sexy car.”. Derek barks out a laugh and is soon joined by Stiles who nearly falls off of the couch.

They’re in Derek’s loft eating pizza on his couch and talking. Originally Stiles had come over so they could do research, but after a solid three hours of finding absolutely nothing they decided to give up and order pizza from the small pizzeria where Derek had worked in his teenage years and whose owner, a small older woman, still remembered him apparently if they sudden shout of “Bambino!” and the surprise hug were any indication. Stiles wondered why he’d never heard of it before, the pizza was so good.

“Ok, so why Iron Man? I mean, if not Batman, then I thought maybe Wolverine. Iron Man? Why? Not that he isn’t great of course.” Stiles asked once they’d stopped laughing. Derek just shrugged and started listing “He’s smart and witty. He’s surrounded by people with superpowers and amazing fighting skills and he can keep up with them using only his mind. He’s a tortured genius. He went from being a war profiteer to a force for good.”, then Derek blushed and said “He was my first crush when I was a kid.”. It was soft, so soft that Stiles almost didn’t hear him, almost. Stiles stared at Derek, not knowing what to say and for a good two minutes the silence stretched on like that.

Stiles could see Derek was closing up and retreating back into his shell and blurted out “I’m bisexual!”, and wanted to hit himself because why?! Derek looked up in surprise and there was another stretch of silence before Derek asked “What?”. The younger man grimaced and said “Well that definitely wasn’t how I imagined doing this. But yeah, I’m bisexual. I haven’t really told anyone yet, not even my dad or Scott.”, then he shut up and waited for a response.

He knew intellectually that Derek wasn’t going to react badly when he himself had just sort of come out a few minutes prior and it wasn’t like Stiles was telling Derek that he liked  _ him _ , but he still felt nervous. But then Derek smiled that kind, beautiful, real smile that he only ever showed Stiles said “I’m honored to be the first. I am too, bisexual I mean.”.

Stiles could feel his heart melt and in that moment he wanted nothing more than to hold Derek and kiss him and tell him he loved him. Just to distract himself from that train of thought he asked “When did you know? Did you ever tell anyone else?”. Derek sank back into the couch and looked up, thinking, before saying “Well, being 7 years old and saying that I wanted to marry Tony Stark was a pretty good indicator, but I think it only really sank in when I was 13 and I had a crush on the new kid at our school. I never really thought about sexuality, I just figured that boys liked girls and girls liked boys and that’s it. Beacon Hills wasn’t nearly as progressive as it is now.”. Stiles winced, he heard the stories from his dad about assholes attacking gay people for holding hands when he had just become a deputy.

Derek continued “I didn’t think anything of it when I started crushing on the new kid, his name was Carter by the way, I didn’t even realise it was a crush until one day after school we were playing video games at his house and suddenly he kissed me. It was my first kiss and I freaked out. I pushed him away, ran home and locked myself up in my room and cried. The whole house could hear it of course because werewolves, and kept trying to get me to talk to them. I stayed in my room for almost two days until my Nana came home and talked me into opening the door for her. She told everyone to go take a walk in the preserve so we could talk and I ended up telling her what had happened. She was great, really supportive and if it wasn’t for her I don’t know what I would have done. Two weeks later I came out to the rest of my family and they were also really great about it.”.

Seeing Derek talk so openly about his family made Stiles smile. “What happened to Carter?” he asked, because he was never known for staying on point. Derek smiled wistfully and said “He came to school the next day and wouldn’t look me in the eye, he ran away every time I tried to approach him. I cornered him after school and he started crying and begging me not to tell anyone. He said that if his parents found out they would be really mad and that he would never try to kiss me again or talk to me if I just didn’t tell. I told him it was ok, that I wasn’t going to tell anyone and once he calmed down we talked it out. He was about to head home and I kissed him goodbye. We weren’t dating exactly but there was something. He ran away from home when he was sixteen and went to live with his brother in New York. I ran into him once there, he didn’t see me but I could see he was with another guy and a little girl and they were all walking hand in hand.”.

It was clearly a good memory and Stiles was glad that the fire hadn’t been able to taint this as well. “What about you?” Derek asked, and that was the tough question, because Stiles realised he was bisexual because of Derek and he couldn’t tell him that. He also couldn’t say nothing, Derek would accept it, but it didn’t feel right when Derek had just told him such a personal story. He couldn’t lie because werewolves, so he really didn’t know what to do. Derek seemed to read his hesitation and assured him that it was fine if he didn’t want to talk about it, but Stiles just sighed and said “Just don’t ask about the details, ok? I can’t give you names here.” and at Derek’s nod he started talking.

“I never thought about liking guys because I was always dead set on Lydia, but when we became friends and I realised that that was all I really needed I actually started looking around me. I saw girls that I thought were really pretty, but from time to time I would see a guys and just… you know?”. Derek nodded with a grin and Stiles moved on “I didn’t think it made me anything just to admit that I could see why guys were attractive to some people. I mean, I never wanted to have sex with them, so I figured that meant I was straight.”.

Stiles took a deep breath and steeled himself, hoping Derek wouldn’t pick up on the unsaid words. “But then I started falling for this one guy and I realised that I probably wasn’t as straight as I’d thought.”. Derek smiles, but something about it seemed forced. “So who’s the lucky guy?” he asked with an awkward forced chuckle. Stiles shook his head and said “It doesn’t matter, it’s never going to happen anyway. It seems that gorgeous, clever and unattainable is my type.”.

Derek looked surprised and asked incredulously “Why not? Is he straight?” and Stiles winced because he’d thought so. “No.” he replied, “No he isn’t, but he’s just way out of my league. I don’t want to ruin what we’ve got going on just because I’m so pathetic that I can’t even control my feelings.”. Derek frowned and he looked kind of pissed “You are not pathetic Stiles. You’re smart, you’re brave and that guy would be a fucking idiot to pass you up.”.

Before he could think better of it Stiles snapped out “Don’t talk about him like that.”. Derek flinched back and for a moment neither of them said anything, but then Derek spoke up, still looking at his lap. “You really like him, don’t you?”, he sounded sad and it made Stiles heart ache. Stiles nodded and said “I do, even if he doesn’t like me back, I still want to be with him. Even if it will never be in  _ that way _ .”. Derek just nodded, still not looking at the man in front of him and said softly “I just think that you deserve better than that, but if you’re happy with it then I won’t bug you about it. Just… I don’t like it when you talk yourself down like that, you're an amazing person Stiles.”.

Stiles looked away and put on a fake smile, Derek was making this so difficult. “Let’s talk about something else, this is depressing.” Stiles suggested, because he just couldn’t keep talking about this. He did like it though, being able to talk to Derek like this. He loved Scott like a brother, but he was a real dude friend sometimes, talking about feelings was weird. Unless of course, it was about Allison.

Derek nodded and looked contrite, which Stiles didn’t really care for. He wasn’t upset with Derek, but he knew Derek would think that he was. Stiles smirked at him and asked “So Tony Stark huh?”. Derek groaned and Stiles laughed. For all that he may be in love with Derek, Derek was his friend first and foremost. He might even say that Derek was his best friend, seeing as Scott really is more of a brother anyway.

Sometimes when he thought back to before, to the time when he’d been afraid of Derek and even sort of hated him, he realised how stupid he’d been and how damn lucky he was that he had been able to get past all that and get to see this side of Derek. This side of Derek that was kind, funny and smart. This side that he never showed anyone but Stiles, and that Stiles wanted to covet so selfishly. 

 

* * *

 

 

“I still think this is a bad idea.” Stiles said nervously. They were standing in the middle of Derek’s loft, all the furniture moved to the side and a large mat laid out on the floor. They were both wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt and damn it did Derek look good in that. Stiles was really starting to lose his mind because since when were sweatpants sexy? Maybe it was because Stiles could so easily imagine him like that on a lazy sunday morning, curled up on the couch with Stiles in his armes. They would pretend they were watching TV, but really they would just be basking in each others presence in the soft glow of the morning light.

Stiles could see him in the kitchen, making breakfast for the both of them with Stiles sitting on the counter drinking tea because Derek never let him have any coffee. Derek would turn away from the stove and walk up to him, stand in between his legs and give him that sly smirk. put his hands on either side of Stiles thighs and lean in.

“Well you were the one that complained about always being defenseless.” Derek stated, bringing Stiles out of his fantasy, luckily before it would get boner-worthy. Stiles whined and said “Yeah, but that’s kinda my thing. I’m the weak human in distress that always gets kidnapped and then has to be saved by the werewolf prince charming.”. Derek chuckled and replied with a grin “Wouldn’t it be better if you didn’t get kidnapped? Also you’re not weak Stiles.”.

Stiles just scoffed at because yeah right. “You could literally bench press me without breaking a sweat whilst I can’t even lift a pothole without getting a backache.”. Derek just sighed and gave Stiles that look that meant something Stiles still hadn’t been able to figure out, it probably meant  _ shut up annoying human _ or something like that.

“One, I don’t know why you would ever need to lift a pothole to find that out though I probably shouldn’t be surprised. Two, trying to compare yourself to werewolves in terms of physical prowess is stupid and you shouldn’t do it.” Derek said, scowling at Stiles and Stiles had to admit that he had a point. He continued “Three, strength is about more that how much you can lift, it’s about endurance. You might not physically very strong, but you are fast, you have quick reflexes and you’re smart. Instead of focussing on your weak points, try to find your strengths and use them to your advantage.”.

Stiles nodded, starting to take this more serious. He did want to be stronger, he wanted to be able to fight alongside his pack, to protect them and protect himself. “Ok, so how do I do that?” he asked and the smile Derek gave him just made him more determined. “If you can’t beat them then try to get them down long enough to get away. If you can’t do that either, then try to survive long enough for someone to come help you.” Derek answered and Stiles wanted to protest but Derek hit him with a look and went on, “Running away from danger doesn’t make you weak or a coward, it makes you smart. Smart and cautious keeps you alive, brave and stupid gets you killed.”.

Stiles figured that made sense, he nodded and waited for Derek to keep talking. “You’re not weak, I know that and the pack knows that, but are enemies won’t. They’ll think that you’re weak and an easy target because you’re human, which works in your favor. When someone underestimates you they let down their guard and it gives you the upper hand. When you get into a fight with someone that is already assured of their own victory the best thing to do is play along. You let them think that you’re not a threat and when the moment is right and their guard is down you strike. You do what you have to to survive, you fight dirty if you have to, exploit any weakness you can find.”.

Stiles could do that. He could totally do that. He said as much and Derek smiled. “Good, let’s practice. I won’t go too hard yet, for now I just want you to try to evade my attacks and find a weak spot.  Got it?” Derek asked and Stiles nodded, readying himself. Derek’s face contorted and his lupine features began to show. “Good.” was all he said before he came at Stiles who managed to sidestep him at the last moment. He walked backwards, still in his battle stance and he looked, looked for any weakness he could exploit.

Derek came at him again, this time going for a punch. Stiles realised that he had very obvious tells when he was going to attack, even when he was trying to surprise Stiles. He took longer than necessary when readying for a hit, giving Stiles plenty of time to notice and dodge. When Derek was going to pounce he crouched down  and his shoulders tensed slightly. Stiles managed to dodge most of his attacks, but the older man did manage to land one good blow on him. It hit him in the side of the chest and Stiles gasped from the pain. That was when Stiles saw it, Derek’s weakness. He flinched when Stiles gasped. The was when the young man knew what to do.

He waited until Derek made to pounce and this time he didn’t dodge. The force knocked him onto his back and Stiles knew it was going to bruise, but not much. Derek was sitting on top of him, Stiles faked a yelp of pain and as expected Derek reeled back and got off of him. While the Alpha was distracted trying to see if Stiles was injured the clever boy took his chance and from the ground he kicked Derek in the side of the knee as hard as he could. Derek went down and Stiles quickly got up.

He walked over to Derek and looked down to to find him scowling up at him, Stiles could tell he was just joking though. “You manipulative fucker.” Derek growled out and Stiles laughed. “What? You told me to do it!” he laughed out to which Derek just scoffed and said “If you pull stunts like that I might not stop when you’re actually hurt.”. He meant it as a joke, but Stiles could hear the serious undertones and rolled his eyes. “Yeah you will. You’re too much of a softy to ignore my pitiful cries, even when you know they’re fake.”.

Derek stared up at him and Stiles stared back and for a moment neither of them said anything. Stiles felt drawn in by his eyes, which were still a strong alpha red. But then the moment was broken when Derek kicked at his leg and Stiles fell to the mat. Stunned silence as he lay there listening to Derek’s laughter. Then Stiles started laughing as well and couldn’t stop until his stomach ached with it. He looked next to him to find Derek grinning brightly at him, his face still creased with mirth. Stiles didn’t think he could ever get over how beautiful Derek was when he laughed.

It would be so easy to just move his head closer to Derek, to put a hand on his cheek and caress it softly, to close the distance and kiss him. Kiss him softly and with all the love and affection Stiles could muster up. He could do it. But he didn’t because Stiles was a coward, no matter what Derek said.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I might turn this into a series of drabbles following their relationship, with fluff and angst and smut if someone is willing to help me out with the smut. An asexual virgin is not the best person to write sex scenes. The perspective will shift from Stiles and Derek to the pack, the Sheriff and some others.
> 
> Let me know what you think!


End file.
